These Words from A Father That Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger failure to open up among men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."